You Can Go Your Own Way

For someone who, for the most part, is uninterested in most of what the world has to offer, life can feel so incredibly boring at times.

Especially during the unavoidable limbo phase between whatever new hobby or person I’m fixated on for 2 weeks. It’s a cycle. I’m completely wrapped up in something…or someone (rare because I’m selective as fuck) for 2 weeks, and then I’m like, “Eh” and no longer give a shit. And here enters the limbo period where I’m obsessed with nothing and no one. Until I find something new that peaks my interest. And the cycle begins again. Because being wrapped up in a new hobby or person gives me the dopamine my neurodivergent brain lacks.

But is it really my fault? Maybe whatever hobby I’d be genuinely interested in hasn’t been discovered yet! Maybe I haven’t met the person I’d be genuinely interested in yet! And I’m not going to fake interest. Because I already did that in my early 20s. Where I spent 2 years trying, with everything in me, to like someone…I was like, ok come onnn this person checks all the boxes…The traditional, cookie-cutter boxes that everyone told me I should want.

But those weren’t my boxes. I didn’t want what everyone told me I should want. And the thought of being stuck with this person for the rest of my life made me want to rip my own hair out so I could at least feel something. Anything! Because evidently, I’d never get that from this person. And I’m not going to spend my whole life faking a feeling when doing so would force me to me feel the very real feeling of misery.

I feel like, our whole lives, society pushes this idea into our heads that we have to pick one purpose, one person, one place right now. Right the fuck now. So everyone’s in an anxiety-inducing rush to find that one person, that one purpose. We NEED that in order to do life right.

Or else we’ll become that weird adult who’s “lost in life”, that crazy (fun) aunt, that lonely, single friend who’s so behind because all of their friends are already married. And people pity them. Because we’ve been tricked into believing there’s only one path to happiness. And if you don’t tick all the tasks, if you don’t graduate from college, find a well-paying job, get married, buy a house, and have kids (in that order, too), then you’ve failed. Because until you do all those things, the people around you will fixate on the things on life’s theoretical syllabus that you lack. All the assignments you haven’t finished yet.

And the whole process of finding that one whatever feels impossible. Because how the fuck do you know what you want? You were deemed “too young” to even rent a car last year. You were “too young” to have a sip of alcohol (at least legally) only five years ago.

Everyone older than you tells you how young you are, how you’re “still a baby”, how little you know about life because you haven’t “lived it” yet, how you still have sooo much to learn. So they start projecting (probably because they lack purpose and/or control in their personal life) and attempt to attain that by lecturing you like, here let me give you unsolicited advice and tell you what you need to do! Oh-what? You actually want to do that with your life? You want to move there? You want to pursue that as a career? You’re so fucking stupid and naive.

But anyway! You still need to make decisions that’ll determine the rest of your long ass life you have ahead of you! And make sure they’re decisions that’ll earn you the respect of everyone who doesn’t give a fuck about you as a person! Because you neeeed to acquire all these predetermined milestones in order for the people you’d never even care to befriend, to determine your value and plot you somewhere on this invisible line of “success.”

You need your future to be set in stone. You know nothing, but you need to know everything right now! You don’t know? You’re uncertain? You need to get your shit together!!! Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10 years? In 20 years? You have to think about the long-term! Decide now!

You can’t change your mind, you can’t quit and swerve into an entirely different career path! Because then you’re a fuck up for being so behind and at square one again, you’ve regressed, you went backwards! You got a divorce? You had a failed marriage? You fucked up! And now you’re back to square one too! Oh, and your kids probably hate you for that too! You selfish piece of shit! You’re such a fucking failure for that. You’ve failed at life. You’ve fallen behind, because you’re not where the rest of us are.

You should’ve stayed in the job that made you think about offing yourself every time you clocked in, you should’ve stayed in your marriage and forgiven your spouse who cheated on you and will continue to cheat on you, you should’ve stayed in that town that alienated you after they found out about your failed marriage and career.

You should’ve stayed. You shoud’ve stayed where you never even wanted to be in the first place.

Because life’s not about happiness. In this version of life, it’s about checking boxes.

So let’s say you stay. You stay in everything you were supposed to want. You stay in the job you lost your passion for, you stay in the marriage you stopped feeling loved in. You’re miserable. You hate your life, and nothing feels authentic to you. You’re so out of alignment, it’s like you’re not even in your body anymore. Because feeling this way for so long drained you so much, that now you’re just a shell of the vibrant person you used to be.

But at least your boxes are still checked, right? At least it looks good on paper, at least it sounds good to others. You can tell people you’re married and you can tell them all about your well-paying job and receive praise and approving nods in return.

They don’t know you’re about to go home, lay in bed alone (because your spouse is out cheating again) and ruminate on how much you hate your life, how unhappy you are. But even if they did know, they wouldn’t give a shit.

Because they’re not the ones living your life. You are.

And that’s why this is all bullshit.

You’re supposed to do this, to want that, to marry this kind of person, to have this kind of job.

And honestly? Fuck off. It’s my life, you aren’t me, you aren’t the one living my life. So you don’t get to tell me what I’m supposed to want. I can want whatever the hell I choose. And I’m not going to waste my life, making myself miserable in order to check off these stupid made-up boxes to gain some rando’s approval. Why would I care to even attain that? My life is more important than anyone’s opinion of it.

(Ok wait, I was saying “you” like “you” in general, not “you” the reader. I’m not yelling at you…this time)

Basically what I’m saying is, you can go your own way.

You’re allowed to do whatever you want. Live the life you want to live. And you’re not a failure for choosing a different path, for quitting, for changing your mind, for realizing you want something else, for switching directions and pursuing the complete opposite of what you originally thought you wanted your life to look like.

If anyone views that as a failure, then let them! Is earning their approval really worth sacrificing your happiness for? For the rest of your life? Is that really how you want to spend it? Because that’s a long fucking time to live the rest of your days in misery.

Starting over isn’t regressing. It’s not “being back at square one”. Because you aren’t the same person you were when you started. You’ve gained so much more knowledge since then. You’ve experienced so much more life since then.

Let’s say your starting point is Culver CIty. And everyone who fulfilled all of the cookie-cutter expectations society set for them has “made it” and now lives in their Sherman Oaks home with their dumb white picket fence. (Btw, I’m not referring to actual Sherman Oaks. Just giving a geographical(?) metaphor. No hate to Sherman Oaks. Although I do avoid the Valley when I can sorry). Ok, so you’re on the 405, the same road that pretty much everyone else is on. Because everyone’s trying to get to Sherman Oaks.

But halfway there, you realize you don’t want to go to Sherman Oaks. Even though getting there is the traditional marker of success. It’s where everyone who did life “right” lives. But you realize you want to live in Santa Monica instead. Because that’s more you, more your vibe. You realize you want the beach, not the suburbs.

So you exit the 405 to merge onto the 10 headed toward Santa Monica instead. And yes, it’s a whole new path. But you’re still on a path. You’re not back home, at square one, in Culver City. You didn’t “fail” by changing your destination. You just decided you wanted to be somewhere else. You realized that living in Santa Monica would make you happier than living in Sherman Oaks.

And ok, let’s say you stayed on the 405 and made it to Sherman Oaks. And at first, you were like yay I’m so happy! I made it! But a few days after that high wears down, you realize that living here isn’t what you thought it’d be. You no longer enjoy living here. And you’re like, hm maybe West Hollywood? And you’re not even 1000% sure you’d like West Hollywood. But what you do 1000% know is that you don’t like it here.

So you move out and begin your quest toward West Hollywood. And all your Sherman Oaks neighbors who, by the way, you were never able to form genuine connections with anyway, now spend their morning walks gossiping and talking shit about you because you’re sooo crazy for going off on your own and leaving their perfect little community. To them, you’ve failed to sustain the lifestyle there, you “didn’t last.” But hey, you never cared for them anyway. And with a huge sigh of relief, you got out of the place you tried so hard to fit into. This place you tried so hard to be happy in. But at the end of the day, you were always an outsider. Despite how believable your mask was. It was exhausting, it stopped serving you any good, so you get back in your car and you drive to West Hollywood. Not back to square one, not back to Culver City.

Ok, I think anyone unfamiliar with the LA area will still be able to understand that whole metaphor.

But to sum it all up…you can create your own path in life. Your version of happiness or success doesn’t have to match the one propagated to us by anyone else.

You can go you own way. Shoutout Fleetwood Mac

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Adding this in 2 days after I wrote this post:

Ok I feel like that geography metaphor might’ve thrown some people through a loop and lead them to interpret it literally. Soo I did just move to a new city. But that wasn’t what I was talking about at all in this post. So I will clarify:)

So, basically, where I grew up, the norm was to go to college, get a job, get married, and buy a house. I’m 26. The age where I’m expected to have already done those things. Like so many of the people I went to school with. It seems like everyone I graduated with has already settled down into this way of life.

And, from the perspective of people who follow these more “traditional” timelines, it might seem like I’m “behind”. I’ve met a lot of people my age who feel like they’re behind in life, or feel less than, because they haven’t gotten married or had kids yet. But they don’t have to.

There is no one way to do life “right”. Everyone wants different things. We don’t all have to take the same path. Especially if we don’t even want to be on it.

I’ve never cared to have any of the things everyone told me I’m supposed to want and work towards. A marriage, a house, kids.

So I created my own path. One that I don’t feel like an imposter on. One that feels authentic to me.

There is no one way to “succeed” or have purpose in life. If you’re living a life you love, you’re succeeding. If you’re on your way there, you’re succeeding. If you’re unsure of which path to take, but you take whichever one you feel called to, even temporarily, you’re succeeding.

If you’re on a path you thought was meant for you, and, halfway, realize it isn’t anymore. Because, maybe, you’re no longer the same person you were when you chose it. And you decide you want something else. So you take another one. One that leads to an entirely different place. You’re not a “failure” for not sticking to the original path.

And if you don’t know what the fuck you want or wherever the fuck you want to go. But you’re at least going, you’re succeeding too.

As long as you’re living a life that feels authentic to you, you’re doing great. You’re right where you’re supposed to be.

You didn’t regress or go backwards for changing your mind and trying something new. You just went somewhere else. Not back to square one. Because you’re always progressing and growing even if you can’t see it right now. You’re not the same person you were when you first started.

You’re not “supposed” to be wherever at whatever age or point in your life. And you don’t “have” to be anywhere other than here. You don’t “have” be anywhere other than where you want to be.

Because it’s your life. And no one can tell you shit about how to live it.