Enjoy the ride before it’s over

I’ve always struggled to maintain long-term anything.

Whether that be long-term friendships. It always baffles me when people are able maintain their childhood friendships into adulthood. Sometimes I wish I had that. But growing up, I spent each school year floating in and out of different friend groups. Never being a core member, always the third wheel of a best friend duo (which btw, being a third wheel to a pair of best friends is significantly more insufferable than being a third wheel to a couple), or I was someone who was friends with everyone, but never truly committed to a particular group.

Or relationships. My longest one lasted 2 years and 2 months. Barely! It was like a year past its expiration date by the time it ended. Officially.

Or interests. I go through phases of being fully hyper-fixated and obsessed with one thing-like photography, pottery, a certain food, etc. Then after two weeks, I’m completely over it and want nothing to do with it.

Or environments. I love changing up my environment, the newness of it all. Excited to explore and immerse myself in this new world. After months of getting a taste of every part of it, I’m ready to move on. Like, ok now that I’ve seen what this place is all about, there’s nothing left that I’m interested in discovering here. I need to experience other parts of the world before I begin feeling like I’m imprisoned within the 10 mile radius that is this town.

Or goals. I mean, the world is always changing. With that comes new technological developments (honestly sometimes terrifying, hello AI), new career pathways (try explaining to your Gen X parents what a tiktok influencer is), more possibilities, more opportunities. And sometimes I find that those new pathways are more aligned with what I’m interested in. Some people, like my parents, are more comfortable following traditional routes and sticking to doing what they’ve always done. And there’s not anything wrong with that necessarily. But personally (along with the majority of people my age), as the world grows, I adapt and grow with it.

All this to say, maintaining long-term anything has been challenging for me. But also, I’m not sure that’s something I even want. I think that’s something traditional societal norms have tried convincing me I need. What’re your life goals? Where do you want to settle down? When are you going to start a family? You need to start thinking about buying a house! So much emphasis on this theoretical destination. Like, once we get to where we want to be in our careers, buy a house, start a family, then that’s when we have life “figured out”. After we get to this destination, we can settle down and cruise through the rest of life. No more “chasing”, no more unknowns, no more surprises, no more crazy ups and downs. Because we’ve reached our destination and everything’s secure. So there’s no more journey to be had.

But the journey’s the funnest part. And that “destination” doesn’t promise you there’ll be no more downhills or setbacks. You can reach that “destination” that society puts on a pedestal, have it “all figured out” and still not know what the fuck you’re doing with your life. You aren’t free from feelings of confusion or doubt. You may reach that destination and regret the path you took to get there, you might even regret reaching it. You can have your suburban two-story brick house, with the greenest, most luscious grass covering your one acre backyard in Texas, two of the smartest, most gifted children with the love of your life, and be the CEO of some company ranked in Forbes.

But none of that shields you from the curveballs life’s still able to throw at you. You made it to the destination you’ve fantasized about your whole life, but you’re still on this earth. And no matter how much of a superhero you thought this house, this family, this life, would make you feel, you’re still human. Having human thoughts, human emotions. Having days where you feel unhappy or unsatisfied, for no particular reason at all. Going through phases where you want to start over, uproot your life, feel confused as hell about what you want to do with the rest of it. Hello midlife crisis. And that’s okay. That’s part of the human experience, and there’s nothing we can do to escape that.

But I think the hope and possibility of reaching this perfect destination soothes our anxieties with a sense of security. So that’s why society feeds us this grand fake illusion. “You need to think in the long-term” and it’s all so we can work our whole lives to get to this place, even if that means suffering through the whole journey. Even if that place isn’t where we want to go. And if we do have our own personal destinations we want to go, maybe we don’t want to stay. Maybe we never planned on staying or maybe we realize that when we get there. I don’t even know if that makes sense without me explaining it through my own specific example. But basically. I know people are always like, “life’s short!” and although I agree with that to an extent, I think the majority of us are blessed with really long lives. Like, we can live multiples lives, grow and develop into so many different people. I mean, I’m 26 now and I can hardly believe that 20-year-old me was me. When I think about her, I’m like what? That’s not me, that’s a completely different person. Like a soul that wasn’t mine inhabiting my body.

I get that society places so much emphasis on long-term things. As if they’re so much more valuable than short-term things. And sometimes they are.

But do I regret not maintaining my high school friendships? Half-assed friendships with people I referred to as “friends” solely because I saw them everyday and not because I ever truly bonded with them or felt a connection? People who never really felt like friends at all. Or maybe friends I outgrew. Old best friends. Who felt like my soulmates at the time. But people grow and change. And hanging out began feeling like hanging out with a stranger. Do I regret not forcing my old relationships to last longer? Just for the sake of making them last? Even when I outgrew them, when our paths in life no longer aligned? When the more I got to know them, the more I realized I didn’t particularly like who they are as a person. Should I have forced myself to continue being with them when I knew it wasn’t right for either of us for the sole purpose of making it work? For how fucking long? The rest of our lives? Because I sure as hell am not going to sacrifice my happiness for the rest of my life just to appease someone else. Do I regret cycling in and out of different goals, interests, environments? Fuck no! I’ve been able to learn and experience so many different things purely out of curiosity. Which lead me to discover and experience even more things.

And isn’t that what life’s about? Living? Experiencing? Who cares if it didn’t get me any closer to some made-up, overhyped, predetermined destination? That doesn’t have to be the root of everything I do in life. You’re allowed to just fucking experience the journey. Because even if and when you do reach that “destination” you fantasize about in your head, it probably won’t be as “perfect” as you expect it to be. You won’t be as happy as you thought you’d be. So you don’t have to waste your life putting yourself through hell to get there. Live in the now. You don’t have to be anywhere. You can just be here now.