October 3rd, 2022 – 10:10pm
I felt a lot of sadness in August and a lot of anger in September.
And that’s okay, that’s normal, I’m human. It’s just a part of life. It’s healthy to feel your feelings. And you should.
But letting any emotion consume and control you can be really damaging. And I did that. So much. And at times, I forgot who I was and in a way, I lost myself.
Because I’m not an angry person full of hate. I felt anger and I felt hatred. But I’m not those things.
Your character doesn’t have to be defined by what you feel.
It’s not about getting rid of those emotions. It’s about finding a way to manage those emotions and channelling/using them in a way that benefits you.
And although I wish I had found healthier ways to direct that energy, no part of me regrets letting myself feel what I felt. Because if I had repressed it like I always had in the past. It’d still be stuck inside me. It’d still be growing inside me.
But now I feel ready to let all that shit go. Now I feel ready to get back to being the version of myself that makes me feel best.
And that doesn’t mean I hate that past version of myself. It’s important to love yourself unconditionally. On your best days and your worst. I love every version of myself.
Because would I want to be with someone who stopped loving me on my bad days?
Fuck no.
If you only love me when I’m happy, then you don’t really love me.
As a person. As a human being. Who goes through things. Who experiences life. Life that includes love but also hate, healing but also trauma, growth but also setbacks, success but also failures, good times but also bad times. Sometimes really bad times.
You love an idea. Your idealized version of me. And that’s not me.
So let yourself feel. And show yourself some compassion. And continue to love yourself through all of it.
Because I learned from it, I grew from it. I freed myself from the pain I felt.
I can let go now.
And I’m starting to feel okay again:)
